Abstruse one

Thanks for playing with my feelings,  How i wish i could stop my heart from beating,  Thanks for playing with my heart,  At least to you this was a fun part,  you have left me broken, with my eyes filled with tears and fears,  At least you are whole, with smile on your face and not a sight of fear,  To you i was just a game, that you tried to win and succeeded,  Now that you are bored you've left me deserted,  Thanks for playing with my head,  Your sick little mind games,  You kept me guessing, till the very end,  Thanks for playing with my emotions,  According to you this was my weakness,  Thanks for your fake love,  Thanks for pretending that your cared,  Thanks for strengthening my belief, that LOVE is nothing but a pain causing pill,  Thanks for showing me that friendship is something that does not really exist,  Thanks for breaking my trust, for opening up, for sharing my thoughts,...

I have given all my love to you, but what do I get in return?  A broken heart. I have given you my heart, and you stomp on it like a doormat. I have given you my youth and you took advantage of my un-experienced heart and played with my emotions. I gave you all the trust, but you misused it. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and you proved everyone right. I gave you my life and you killed me day by day. I want to pull my aching heart and tear it piece by piece so I no longer love you. I want to lose my memory so I no longer think of you. I want to go so far so I no longer have to see you.  I want to cry, but I no longer have any more tears to fall down  my sad, lonely face. I want to sleep, but my dreams haunt me with you in them. I can't seem to find a way out. What do I do? I don't want anyone to see this, not even you. How do I get out of this? How do I stop this misery? How do solve this mystery? I can't seem to find anyone to make me feel the way ...

If you loved me You'd have never done the things you did. I try to rationalize the obvious find a means to why. Why after all this time You gave up... You threw me away.... But I can only come to one conclusion though it pains me to say. You never loved me. Despite myself I find the truth so cold. It was all a lie. The whispers of love the thought of a life shared All of it gone in a moment Because you gave up. Ignored me for days on end and then despite my love threw it right back at me. Love is dead in my soul Torn to tatters by your careless cold words. My heart no longer beats but it is a vessel. Where I walk no more tears  can be cried Memories linger along these back allied streets Now a cold reminder of what was never meant to be. Love is lost to me No more will sunlight touch my inner chamber. Your love was tainted poison and now it has poisoned my soul my heart and mind. The pain wont leave me, and sadly it never even touched you. Maybe you ...

I wanted to stand next to him Crave happiness to the brim  Be there for him as much as I could I love him and told him I would  He told me I made him at ease  Even when I am a pain, he agrees Yet his eyes were never shining  I love him and he was confining  He told me he cared, that I believed Little did I know my heart was deceived  By the man who seemed to be right there  I love him and he was fully aware  I did ask if we could work things out We could, but he was full of doubt My heart was taken, he caused the theft I love him and one day he left Oh these days suddenly seem so long  I sit here and think of what went wrong This pain no one should have to contain I love him and never saw him again I still think about him to this day  Wondering if he is content or went astray Don't ask if I am well, I will disagree I love him and he never loved me  Oh, I love him and he never loved me

Try to be strong as your world crumbles  Try to be strong when no one cares about you anymore You don’t have anything they want Try to be strong because they decided you are a waste of time Try to hang on to your sanity when nothing is going you way Turn your depression into anger when the few remaining bloodsuckers want what is left of you. Make them never forget you.

When you see her cry      you get a rag, a gentle delicate cloth. Lovingly grasp her hand and dab its tip;  dry each tear as they come.                                                            ­                 And ask each drop                                                           ...

All the silence does not mean You are alone, It is the world waiting for you To listen; And in the darkness you are Found by the light Of your hope. And in the tears of your Pain you are born, There you become stronger And it creates order. Pick up your flesh as your spirit Lifts, And speak your happiness  As if the tip of your tongue Was the mountain's peak Speaking at the sky, The burden is a caged bird And only the conscious can set It free. And sing to yourself so that You know you are never alone In your body. Know that your crazy is beautiful  Because it makes you YOU, Wear your skin like Your cozy blanket and cuddle In the warmth of yourself.      You are not broken, But scattered like the night  With pieces like stars shining,     Open your pain and yourself To the wound of the world and heal  Whatever you choose.

The only part of my day That I look forward to  Is when I go to bed  And lay there making up scenarios  In my head.  I think of comebacks  To 8th grade bullies. I think of witty retorts To my mother's snide comments.  I think of intelligent things to add To conversations I had months ago.  I think of all the things  I was too scared to say.  And in my mind  I say them.  And pretend how things would be different If only I had the courage to speak.

Silence is my loudest cry, Although my eyes seem to be dry, What I am trying to imply, Is that no one see’s the burning red eye.  Hidden beneath a shining smile, Leaving the room in amazing style, Is a girl in single file, Walking alone the next one hundred miles. When the girl looks up to the stars. All she sees is a million prison bars, Trapped and enclosed and no one knows, The girl of course never shows. Behind a smile is a broken girl, Trying to fight this horrid world, Her emotions soon begin to swirl, Breaking another broken girl.

Thing is. I wouldn’t usually even try to figure this one out. She’s so different.  So special.  And I get nervous.  The butterflies take away my eloquence.  They make me stumble.  And with her I would stumble anyway Because she comes from a different mind I want to understand I want to understand I want to understand She humbles me.  I’ve hardly ever felt so humbled It’s like she knows. Her perspective - I wish to taste it But the butterflies - And there’s this wall there I’m learning Please be patient I stumble - We all stumble And you humble me and I stumble again Your achievements fill me with pride. And they’re not even mine.  Pride and happiness for you. Because you deserve it. You deserve greatness. I want to understand  I want to understand I want to understand.

There's more that meets the eyes  And this will never change  It's too complicated to explain why  The answer will never be the same  Just remember to hold us when we cry And beware those moments we act insane  Sometimes a firm, warm place to land  Is the only thing to soothe our weary brain  Were difficult at best, impossible at worst  But true love is always on our mind first  Some women want the finer things in life  Some just want children and to be a good wife  Others need to be held and reassured constantly  Some just want to trust and receive honesty No matter the woman, you'll never understand us all  But keep in mind... There's no greater feeling than the fall

Days when I just want to die, I look deep into your eyes. I see the warmth and your smile, and feel content for awhile. I wonder why I felt that way, But because of you I will stay.

I once knew a girl she was happy and young  until raped by a stranger's lust I once thought of a girl she was scared and frightened tried to bury the remains of her past I once thought I knew a girl But she was damaged at full never loved or could be loved I once was that girl But I hid behind a cover story of "just a girl".

When all of a sudden, A person makes you feel so comfortable, That you start and end your day with them. You have got no idea about what's going on and you end up being more than best friends. There is this relationship, Which is more of understanding, More of emotions, He knows what I want without me saying it. The very eye contact we almost everyday avoid so that non of us could see that we adore them. The silence is more than enough to say words. I know you are a bit more sensitive than I'm, I know you are a bit more hurt than I'm, But trust me , I would love to heal all your pains, I would love to spend my life with you. But the fact is contradicting. I know you respect me, I know you adore me, But at the same time you think I'm far too perfect to be with. Which at some point hurts me. But still there is some hope, That one day you'll understand the love I carry in my heart for you. I may not say things, But I care, I may not show, B...

I know that feeling of being lost I know that feeling that there is no one out there who understands What you're going through and the emotions that you have But listen to me Hear these words that I'm about to say I understand what you're going through The emotions that you are feeling I understand and I want to help Because once ago I was going through The same thing

I had so much to say but then I lost the courage.  You wouldn't want to hear them, I know. I'm no good expressing what I want to, When my heart's about to be throw out of my mouth. The tightness on my throat intensifies and I stand quiet, While my head's about to be blown away with so many thoughts. Because every time we say goodbye,  It feels like I'm about to say something. But then I look at you and I've all the answers. I don't even know what that means. You shake me to the core, I feel alive  And so afraid, that I'm the only one feeling that way. You break my walls, the next second I'm building them up again. Because every time we say goodbye,  It feels like I'm about to say something. But then I look at you and I've all the answers. I don't even know what that means. Please, show me that you want to get to know me, That you fucking care, That you'll be there if I need. I trust you so much. I can't unders...

On days, to her dismay when things stopped making sense to her she realised that no matter how thick skinned she tries to be but there are millions of electrifying nerve endings in there. Those are the nights when she is open and exposed and feeling too much is when she ends up writing an eulogy as to the kind of person she used to be. She was always trying too hard to be the most chill and fabulously blaze person ever. Thankfully l have realised that the need to like everybody and be liked by the same set of folks is a colossal waste of time. Just because you are unable to strike a chord with that individual does not make you an insatiable monster. All of us are so deliciously complex and messy in our heads that suddenly you have that unflinching desire to run away from the whispering raspy voices that keeps lurking in your head for the quivering choices you have made. With all the set backs, she plans to guard her truest self and cover it with masks, because. with her true self an...

I love the still of the night. It allows my demons to take flight. The regrets, the relations and a thousand other stuff buried in the blur of the day. Crawl back and choke me down the sad pit they come. I love the still of the night. The storm within and the stagnancy around, bright. The stars fight for space, drowned by blue, so deep. I fight for redemption, taunted by  reminders of fate. I love the still of the night. The darkness sets my demons in sight. The  light of the day has broken my shell. And the demons of the night are after my soul.

REMOVE THE STORM Never put Temporary people in the Permanent place of your Life, and don't be afraid of Removing the Wrong People from the Right Place of your Life. If it's your Life then it's your Right. Be Bold to take any Decision concerning your Life. If they call it Pride, tell them it's Class. No matter the Economy of the Jungle, Lions will never eat Grass. Even if Education is Free, a Rat will never go to the same School with a Cat. You cannot go anywhere with Negative people. Negative people are like Cars without Fuel and Engines. You can only sit in them, but they will NEVER take you anywhere. You can't Change what you see until you Learn from what you see. Be careful who you Open up to. Only a few people Care. The rest just Want to have Something to Gossip about. Some people come into your Life like a Dark Storming Night. When the Storm is Over and the Sun Rises it Becomes a Beautiful Day. Make Beautiful Days in your Life by Removing the ...

How can you say we're insignificant? We're living things made up of non-living things. We're a walking, talking, singing, dancing mass of flesh and bone. We have the power to reduce music to lump of cold, dead fingers six feet underground. And then again, we have the ability to cry at the sight of the earth rotating and revolving around the Sun.  A sunset can reduce us to tears. Rainfall can make us laugh. We can dream and still someone has the gall to call us insignificant. I am not small. I am a thousand feet tall. I am the stuff that fairytales are made of. I'm sky and glitter and songs and magic and no one can dim my glow. The time traveller's sitting under a tree, shaking the sand out of his shoes. He's wiping the ink from his pen and he's flipping through the pages of his notebook. He's writing down the things he's seen, conversations with the people he's met, interpretations of the wonder he's felt. He's gone back and forth ...

Last night I made up my own planet. It was small and blue and only big enough for one person.  It wasn't big enough for oceans but it had a swimming pool. I decided I'd live on a sun bed, and I could, because the temperature would be remote-controlled, and it would never get too hot or too cold. I'd pack my cutest swimsuits and take a few books along. When I'd read each one a hundred times, I'd cut them up, separating every word on every page, and spend my days re-writing them.  Its sky wasn't big enough for galaxies, but it had one constellation that would rearrange itself every night. See, I told you I was all alone over here, the stars were the only ones that would talk to me. I'm sure I'd talk back, and there'd be no one around to call me crazy.  It wasn't big enough for years, so I rearranged whatever I had into my own equivalent of time: every heartbeat was a second, every breath was a minute, every blink of the eye was an hour, every si...

Tell me, stranger You, in the club's toilet fixing your hair spreading your lipstick Are you here for a reason? Is our five-minute friendship a sign from the universe? Is this existentialism personified? Are you a metaphor but one too blurry and unclear to decipher? tell me, friend, you there, holding me close in front of the bathroom mirror, how did we get here? these clothes don't fit well, the makeup feels heavy the drinks get me worried i can't find my house keys why did i try so hard to end up unhappy? tell me stranger my glimmer of something to hold onto to make this all worthwhile before you go back out tell me why are you leaving me forever you were supposed to make this bad songs and strobe lights make sense why did you suddenly eternally disappear

That is my window. Just now  I have so softly wakened.  I thought that I would float.  How far does my life reach,  and where does the night begin  I could think that everything  was still me all around;  transparent like a crystal's  depths, darkened, mute.  I could keep even the stars  within me; so immense  my heart seems to me; so willingly  it let him go again.  whom I began perhaps to love, perhaps to hold.  Like something strange, undreamt-of,  my fate now gazes at me.  For what, then, am I stretched out  beneath this endlessness,  exuding fragrance like a meadow,  swayed this way and that,  calling out and frightened  that someone will hear the call,  and destined to disappear  inside some other life.

Sweet moment, stay with me,  and pray do not flee so soon,  Let me enjoy the bliss of that  first kiss beneath the moon.  I wish to cradle this feeling,  that has only just been found,  A feeling that has unexpectedly  turned my world around.  Do not depart, Oh please remain  within my heart awhile,  So that I can savour you once more,  and hold you in my smile.

I want you to know  one thing.  You know how this is:  if I look  at the crystal moon, at the red branch  of the slow autumn at my window,  if I touch  near the fire  the impalpable ash  or the wrinkled body of the log,  everything carries me to you,  as if everything that exists,  aromas, light, metals,  were little boats  that sail  toward those isles of yours that wait for me.  Well, now,  if little by little you stop loving me  I shall stop loving you little by little.  If suddenly  you forget me  do not look for me,  for I shall already have forgotten you.  If you think it long and mad,  the wind of banners  that passes through my life,  and you decide  to leave me at the shore  of the heart where I have roots,  remember  that on that day,  at that hour,  I shall lift my arms  and my roo...

Free fall down into the unknown give you my heart and relinquish my soul it's best for what life shall bestow so I take a big step in the unknown Never look back, for this is the choice don't question myself, and keep my mind poised take a look up, thank god and rejoice because the truth is, I know I made the right choice So I follow the path and forget the past this devotion and emotion, I'll make sure it lasts with passion so wide and a love so vast pain and sadness will be things of the past

And she writes in darkness,darkness of not her room but her life. All she hear is silence that she can't share it with anyone . Deep inside, this silence haunts her  , this is not just a silence but a entire human with an armour ,she tries to hide under her blanket her sheet  her pillow she even tries to close her eyes so that he can't see her , but she forgets it's her eyes that are shut . she tries to run ,she won't give it that easy .After all she's an all time fighter . ..she's still struggling . She doesn't need any light, but to hear this silence ,she has to learn to hear her own silence ...that Knight from whom she's hiding never came to hurt her but to warn her to hear this silence unless it becomes too late for her to understand and not to look for  'Voices' they are more haunting . You can overcome darkness but not light. I wish there was a knight who could capture this light .

She laid her heavy heart           down a billow                 of ebbing           bliss as her rippling breath         stranded her         over  dreamy shores, where prince charming             never crossed       the sea, the little mermaid             never hit        the land and she never lived                 their fairy-tale ...

If I could be a real poet.  I would hope to be heard past extinction.  History can be forgotten and time misunderstood lost in the meanings.  If I could be a real help,  then let my smile be universal  in it's travels.  We are words translated into different ways,  yet the flowers after like stars blooming memories become evidence in the candles glow, and breathe in the scene for death is an issue of us all.  If I could be a real poet.  I would hope to be heard past extinction.  History can forget you  and  death shows us we all the same color  so lay down the world's issued schemes to enjoy the true meaning of what's in front of you, life.  If I were a real poet maybe you could understand why.

 swear I can still remember my steps as I closed in on an unclear future, my  footsteps accompanied by the raging dance between roses and dark-grey thorns and  green vines. As the sun dawned, I cleared the clutter from my head, only choosing to hear words that brought out the love I hid, in my head, I pictured the birth of new skulls and imagined bullets penetrating me from every side,  as I chanced upon the border of love and a forest of wild berries and smog,  I chose to release the built up smoke. I swear I can still remember my rasping as I shut my eyes to a future I was scared of, my footsteps accompanied by a man who looked like an older me, he grinned and gave me a black lotus along with red and orange feathers, in the relentless rain. The sun’s rays touched my cold heart,  various coloured flowers flowered within my depths, overtime the colours fused and formed a colour that resembled a deep shade of purple, my best friend, ...

You lay with the window open wide, the curtains licking the air. Two bodies merged as one, entwined in limbs, sweat and wind, bedraggled breaths roll from your throat.   I watch as you press your pink fleshy lips to his. Your head dipping habitually to where his hand rests on your shoulder. The smile spreads slowly across your face as he strokes your cheek with an outstretched forefinger. You take it in your mouth, as though it were a stick of rock. Sweet as honey, as sweet as the grin that emblazons your face.   A lone strand of hair sticks to your glistening forehead. He moves it with a stroke of his hand, as though this small act of love were nothing to him. Your eyes widen as you press your body against his, biting your lower lip, as if this ecstasy were about to make you burst.   He looks away, the wind blowing through his hair; Mr Cool.

remember how the delicate fabric traced the edges of my skin how your fingers followed the steams as they stitches through the cotton layers the way your eyes gleamed into mine  and my heart beat for the tender embrace that came with your kiss your lips met mine with a rough touch and my mind took an unsettling seat  my heart in the moment, my mind lost in your beating chest the world took a seat as our bodies and minds collided into eachother and while everything else faded into the backdrop our bodies settled onto your sheets   sitting alone in my bed, the fan blowing against my skin i remember the rush of your breath on my cheek as we layed there entangled in eachother the body heat the only thing between us.    now between us lies everything that once held us together a void has formed between our lips and her beauty between our minds   i still remember the enseparable bond that stitches us together like two pieces of cloth now the s...

That smile,  Runs deeper when you place  your trembling hands in  mine. All while,  our eyes catch fire watch- ing what is left behind. Twilight, a final misconception  of the Sun and time. Cradle my Humility- Stitch up my Fragility- Shake up all that's still in thee- As you're lying here with me.

She was too desperate.  I'd say. Losing her self, Again and again, Trying to find That one true love that'll stay. Plunging into the waters to cool,  Trying to pamper a heated soul. Sadly drowning each time, Ending with lemon and lime.  Maybe. One day. I hope she'll see.  All this fear and rushing into things will stop.  Unlike me. Unlike me.

Words, words, words, words, words A never ending cycle of words I’ve always believed in self-expression But at what point does it become desperation Clutching at the words like they’re a runaway kite Breathless, chasing, what do you hope to achieve? What about silence, Does it not say more than words ever can.

So, this is what it's come to, my dear? Is this what you want-- more hurt to top what's there? You long for the boy, I know. Do you really want him, though, to take your soul along with your confidence, to leave in its place a new, irreversible circumstance? Do you think the latter is  wherein lies the bond, or do you not care where the bond lies? You must feel it's the closest to love for you, his ravaging you--that it would somehow work for you. Perhaps, you think, if you ire him enough, if you push him to the precipice, eventually, he'd take what he wouldn't before. He'd leave you his touch-- destructive and painful, but a touch nonetheless. Desperation has caused you to see tragedy as a solution-- the rape, then the baby, would fill the void. He'd hurt me,  you'd think, but at least I would feel him. At least I'd have part of him. I'd have a chance. Better than none...right?... You want a bond, I get it. Abuse ...

"Crying is actually therapeutic – not something I like doing. But, now and then, it’s what we all find our selves doing because it’s the only outlet to anything. Yes, crying is an involuntarily therapeutic act. We don’t want to do it because we like to pretend that we’re stronger than that. We like to believe that tears can’t wear us down. We like to feel like we’re above the childish act of crying. We’re ‘mature’ adults. But, who’s to say what’s mature? And no one ever made a law that stated that those who cry are innocent and unaware of the tragedy that is the world. I believe that the maturity lies in accepting that, at the end of it all, I’m only human; there’s only so much I can do. And even though I won’t cry in front of a thousand eyes watching me (I won’t even cry in front of the eyes of a loved one), I will cry in the confines of my room. I will cry in solitude, I will cry in the dar...

"I cry because no matter how much we shield ourselves and no matter how many walls we build around us, occasionally, someone is always going to be able to tear those walls and bring our guard down. It’s the basic rule of living and breathing and feeling – emotions, things, pain. I cry because I realise that in that moment, that is the highest point that I have climbed and the lowest pit I have fallen into. And be it high or low, there is no one to fall with you, climb with you or join you. It’s you and only you; no matter what you do, where you go or how hard you try to hide.I cry in wonder of what I have come to be; of what I have accomplished, all by myself when it was something I never imagined me doing. I cry because I’m surprised at my own strengths. I cry because I wish I didn’t have those strengths. You see, I believe that we only face that which we can endure. So maybe if I didn’t have those strengths, I wouldn’t have to endure. The tear...

"I cry in anger because I know no other way to show it. It’s easy when you have a temper that is short and when you find it fairly simple to blast off in someone else’s face without having to feel bad about the hurt you might have caused them. How much more simple would it be to just be selfish at least once in a while. I cry because I am selfless and I can’t be anything but that. I cry because I am patient to the point where one is often taken for granted. People tend to forget that the other person, whom they ask to endure troubles that are not meant for them, yet, are also human and are, therefore, subject to falter. People forget. I cry because people forget. I cry for memories that have been lost in another’s mind. I cry for the memories that remain in mine. Why didn’t I lose the memories too? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply forget? Then one wouldn’t have to remember. And if you don’t remember something, it can’t haunt you."

I cry. I cry for everything and nothing. I cry for happiness and sadness; for the known and the unknown and for the scars that are so deep they cannot be seen. I cry because that’s who I am – a girl who feels more deeply and strongly than most humans do. Alas, I shouldn’t because the more you feel, the more alert you are to the emotions around you. But how can I help the way I was made. May be I was created to cry for those who have no one o cry for them. Maybe I was born to belong to the world and all its unheard mercies.So, I cry and it’s nothing I am ashamed of because it makes me stronger than I was before the tears came down and yet, it makes me vulnerable in my own solitude. I cry because I know I’m human and tender and fragile. But, I also cry because in that tenderness and vulnerability, my spirit remains unbreakable. I cry because in this maturity, I am still that child who was brought into this world, crying.

“I know you're tired but come, this is the way... In your light, I learn how to love.  In your beauty, how to make poems.  You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you,  but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”     “You and I have spoken all these words, but for the way we have to go, words are no preparation. Let it dissolve in your ocean. A mountain keeps an echo deep inside. That's how I hold your voice.” “Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion. Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”  Sorrow prepares you for joy.  It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to gro...

Eyes don’t lie  Because Eyes don’t speak  Eyes, you can trust  You can rely  They don’t hear  They cannot speak  They see what they want  They close when they can’t  They trust themselves but not thee  Trust your eyes, trust what you see  In rage they are red, when sick…Yellow  When sad they are dead,  When in love they glow.  Every emotion they will show  You can read a mind through the eye  Eyes convey truth, they don’t lie.

I hate the fatal outcome, I’m never tired of a life, I hate all seasons, when I become Unable write a word in them, and poems born on strife. I hate cold cynicism, sarcasm, Enthusiasm I cannot trust, and also When stranger trying read my letters, Moreover, stands behind my back. I hate it, when in the middle Discussion being interrupted, I hate backstabbers,  Also - shots in forehead. I hate the gossips in the form of versions, Worms of doubt, honour’s needle, Or, - all the time in wrong direction, Or, - sound of an iron on the glass. I hate full confidence, It’s better when the brakes have faded. I hate that word as “honour” is forgotten, What’s more, - in honour deceiving friends behind their backs. I see the broken wings… And have no pity. You’re asking why? I cannot bear violence and helplessness, I hate myself, when I’m afraid, I cannot stand when innocent are beaten, I hate when people try to get i...

You’ll say: “Don’t cry,  There’s one more night we’ve got” And one more time you’ll whisper – “You are mine” Once more…you’ll look into my eyes, and see the tear falling on your hand, You’ll say “Tomorrow is another day… but … don’t cry” You’ll say: “Don’t cry, It’s just turned out our fate  Would not allow us be together anymore… where have I been before? So late we met… But at this moment you are mine, Just stay with me tonight…Just one more time…Last time.” You’ll say: “I cannot just forget, I can’t move on… And still don’t know how could I  Let you go last time…. Don’t cry. I’ll find you, wherever you can be… I’ll write a hundred poems, and dedicate them all to you, And if I meet you once again among the crowd, I’ll never let you...

I m not asking destiny to return you back to me I know that happiness doesn't come twice in this life... In my mind I'm floating downwind In a river of fire filled with my desire, My hair blowing in the wind safe in your embrace... But in Reality I'm on a plane sharing this pain I cry in vain as this plane climb higher Leaving the one I desire... Drift into sleep, Wake up sweating and cold... Pain in my chest will not let me to forget Our last shout of love...and forgiveness entwine In our farewell embrace. I won't forget you...Ever Your love Your grief Your smiles so deep Passion so complete... And still...I close my eyes and think of you Always and forever Our moments spent together... Like lost treasures... The pain of this loss will always stay with me, Until the day this tormented heart of mine stop beating...

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head.) The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, And arbitrary blackness gallops in: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.) God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade: Exit seraphim and Satan's men: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I fancied you'd return the way you said, But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.) I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring comes they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.)"

I have decided to be my own hero Not because I'm a good role model or someone to look up too  But because it will just be so much easier My decisions won't shock me  nor will my actions The drug use seems so tragic  and the gunshots leave us terrified But if its just me I won't be taken aback  By how much I have changed  And no one will care about what I do  Cuts on my wrists wouldn't be front page news and my failures will be forgotten and ignored But most of all I think that if its me I won't find the drug use that tragic  And the gun shots won't be that terrifying

I knew it was wrong from the very start I should have never let myself indulge  In this pathetic idea of  us But there I was, hoping to see you around the corner and when you were there my day suddenly had a purpose I started to need you around and couldn't help but smile when you looked at me  I thought I had picked up on little hints from you. That maybe you liked being around me as much as I liked being around you  That maybe you waited around the corner until I was there so you could "bump" into me  Of course none of it was true there were no hints, no waiting behind corners   To be honest I'm embarrassed, you probably hated every second you were around me This is why I don't let these sought of things happen to me but somehow you snuck  through the cracks in my armor And I couldn't get you out I really don't know why I expected any different  Especially from you...

My bad dreams won't leave me alone these thoughts keep circling my sub conscious. They wait till I'm most vulnerable to attack I can't relax not for a second. If I do they are there screaming at me over and over again taunting me till I'm awoken in a cold sweat with tear stained cheeks. I can't go back its too frightening so I sit huddled trying my hardest to  disappear. Until the light shines through my widow and the screams soften slightly and I am forced to carry on till the next time I'm back in bed and the voices take over once again...

I don't want to date you I just want to be with you  I don't want to have to worry about idiotic things like Valentine's day or anniversaries  I don't need you to hold my hand in public or for people to know that I spent the night at your house last Saturday                                         I just want to sit on your bed and talk about the universe. I want to be comfortable enough around you that you can see me bare faced or half dressed without either of us thinking twice about it  I want your hands all over me, holding me to you like I'm the last Breath of air you'll ever have  I don't need something as trivial as a boyfriend  I just want us to be together. In our own unique way.

If I could go back in time and have a conversation with myself from 4 years ago I would in a heartbeat. Not to warn her about anything or to tell her to do things differently but just to simply tell her that she is going to be ok.  Most of the things she is or will worry about work themselves out one way or another and that I am so proud of her  That its ok that she is different to the people she knows because she is going to meet people that like that about her people that make her laugh and smile instead of break her down  I just want to tell her everything is going to be alright because I know that's what she needs to hear

Its easy to call someone beautiful when they have spent an hour doing there hair and make up, when they are wearing a skin tight cocktail dress and a push up bra  Its more difficult to say it when the hair gets tied up and the make up is smudged by tears the dress replaces with a stained  t- shirt                                                         Because as I'm looking in the mirror right now the last word that comes to my mind is beautiful...

When I hear someone say to someone  "You are what I live for" I don't find it cute. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone and how can your life be consumed by a single person. Do you know what I live for... Sunrises.  Ocean water running over my feet. Laughter. The morning dew. The light in someone's eyes when you complement them.                                   Hugs. Sunsets. I could go on forever and to be honest you're on my list. But you don't need  to carry the burden of keeping me alive.  I live because I think life is beautiful and you are just one small fraction of its many wonders.

The most sexy thing about a guy has nothing to do with his clothes, hair or eye colour. It's in the way he looks at you with longing, when you finally find out he wants you just as badly as you want him. When he pulls you so close to him that there is literally no space between you, because he can't stand the thought of there being any.        When he kisses you, so that it feels as if he is stealing the air from your lungs, and for those few seconds you forget what air even is.      When all thoughts go out the window and its just him, with you,in the most simple way possible. Now that is the definition of sexy.

Its so much easier to push someone away, than to let yourself become vulnerable.                                                      ­           To give them the power to hurt you. Showing your true feelings is relinquishing all your power.  You're trusting them not to take advantage of your weaknesses.  And that, is an absolutely ridiculous notion.  Once weakness is spoted, it is used and abused, untill you are just a quivering mess lying on the floor, wondering how you ever let yourself get into such a situation. I will not be: Vulnerable    Powerless Weak I am strong , because people don't know the real me, and that's how its g...

Today I told someone I loved them, and I meant to more than I could ever describe in words.  But there was a niggling thought in the back of my head.  "It's too soon,"  it whispered. "You should have waited. It's too soon." People will judge me. They will think I'm foolish.  But who is anyone else to tell me about how I love someone? And since when does falling in love have a set rules? Why should I let society decide that my love isn't real, because they don't believe someone can feel this strongly for someone so soon?

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well That, for all they care, I can go to hell, But on earth indifference is the least We have to dread from man or beast. How should we like it were stars to burn With a passion for us we could not return? If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me. One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find–– is they are not always with whom we spend our lives Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too. Through nights like this one I held him in my arms I kissed him again and again under the endless sky. he loved me sometimes, and I loved him too. How could one not have loved him great still eyes! Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him I n o longer love him, that’s certa...

I love you with a love that's forbidden, yet I can't stop. When you look at me my soul shudders with joy.  My heart skips a beat. In me. I want to love you openly  without fear or reservation,  but this is a forbidden love,  so I hide it,  keep it in secret and love you only in my dreams.  For only in my dreams am I acceptable to you,  only in my dreams can my fantasies be realized. 

ou looked into my heart and found my lost dream, A very common one I guess it may seem. No one else like you in my heart is the same, Cuz I've really changed since in my life you came. You told me that my fait rests in my hands, To make life as best I can. You took my hand and out of the shadows we ran. With my back to the dark and my heart towards the light, You told me to do what I thought was right. Even though you promised that you'd always stay, No matter how close you are it feels as though you're miles away. Now as I look back at the past, I realize that time moves by way too fast. The memory of our friendship I hold near, How I wish you could still be here, For you know me better than I know myself, only you have ever seen me cry. But now when I talk you just hear but don't listen to what I have to say, You just pull your heart away. So not even to my self do I want to confess, That as time goes by I don't seem to like you less.

tried so hard.  I tried my best. I gave you my all,  And now there's nothing left. You stole my heart, Then tore it in two. Now I'm falling apart And don't know what to do. Divided by decisions, Burned by the fire, Confused by your words, Tempted by desire. I'm living in the present. My mind is on the past. Not knowing what I'll lose, Not knowing what will last. Blinded by fear, Drowning in doubt, Struggling to be free, Looking for a way out.

I want to run, I want to hide From all the pain he caused inside. I want to scream, I want to cry. Why can't I tell him goodbye? I want to move on, I just can't let go. I love him more than he will ever know. I want to start over, I want to feel free! But this pain will never leave me be. He hurt me bad, the pain is deep. From all the promises he couldn't keep. All the lies, I heard him say. Are in my head and just won't fade. How can I forget him, leave the him behind. Erase the memories from my mind. He doesn't love me, and he never will. He will never care how I feel.

He came into my life when I was just a girl I was happy and young And then he changed my world One night I was in bed And he came to say goodnight except he took a little longer before he turned out the light He really hurt me that night And I didn't know what to do I thought it happened to most I lay in bed that night Hurting inside and out tears streaming down my face I tried hard not to shout out I put that tragic night to the back of my head and then it happened again it was him and me again when he pulled me close to him and again molested me I thought it only happened once When I had done something bad but now I knew I was wrong I told mom everything I felt alone and sad, mom was angry she kicked me out that day and stuck right by his side saying I was attention seeking and that it was all lies so in the end it got too much and I told I lied everything went back to normal I swear I wish I'd died I've told a couple of friends but its ...

Where do I begin to explain the beating?  You watched as I sat there bleeding,  You never cared about my feeling.  My hurt had no healing.  Rape after rape I knew I had to escape,  never allowed to look up,  never allowed to talk..  Beat me so I couldn't walk.. I remember the day I almost died,  you laughed, while I cried.  You beat me so bad I could never withstand the pain, you are insane!  You played me like a game..  This time I win, When you burn in hell, which time will only tell,  god will ask you, "why, why the beating of this woman whom you took to love? You degraded me and put me in dirt,  you loved to see me hurt.  Now that I have gotten away through my planned escape I have no more tears or any fears but the memory will last for years. 

trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Many people feel that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser.

I Talk to him He talks to me. My heart, it swells And Begs to be Free. Does he know what's become of me? He hits and shoves Punches galore I know damn well, that it could hurt more. I try not to cry and not show the pain But deep down I know he's winning this 'game'. To me he's perfect but oh so very vain. I will never, ever over come this pain. I'm nothing but a punching bag, to quench his anger's thirst I grab my arm, and limp off to the nurse. She asks what's wrong I lie and say I fell. Why do I constantly go through with this hell? These tears are for him, and that I hope he knows. These emotions, this pain... why must it show? If I hide it away, I'd be lying to myself. He's abusive and cruel And my friends begin to worry They're afraid that he'll cause the death of me. It brings me to tears, because I know that they're right. They say "Step Up!" They tell me to fight! I tell them the truth ...

You ask me why, I don’t have the words to tell you. You ask me why, But I don’t know myself, You ask me why, I wish I had an answer, You ask me why, I dodge your ask with stealth. You want to know If when I cut, it’s painful, You want to know If pain makes me feel good, You want to know What made me think to try this, You want to know If I feel understood. I want to tell you That I feel quite lonely, I want to tell you No one understands, I want to tell you Nothing else can help me, I want to tell you How much I long to hold your hand But I am quiet Because I fear you’ll judge me, I am quiet, I feel unworthy of your care, I am quiet, Because my words now fail me, I am quiet, But grateful that you’re there.

The thing is That you ask me questions I’m too scared to ask myself. You make me revisit times That lay hidden, With good reason. You take the bits that hurt And you prod them, And poke them, Until the hurt makes me cry. And I find myself wondering Why? Why would I choose to be here? Why subject myself to this pain, This torture, When I know that if I hide I’ll feel okay. Hiding behind a pile of books And a to do list so long That it leaves no time To think, To remember, To feel. You say that it’s unsustainable. You say that it’s possible to feel differently You say that there’s a future Where I do not hate myself. I want to believe you, I really do. But I’m not sure I can; You have no magic wand Only words And ears, Listening whilst I try to speak of times I’d rather leave unspoken. Perhaps I deserve to stay broken.

Three words so often uttered, But very rarely meant: “How are you?” “How are you?” “How are you?” We ask But the answer Is breath miss-spent. Because nobody cares, Not really. Not unless the answer is “Fine.” Nobody wants to hear the words “I’m not okay, do you have some time?” We don’t have time, Not ever. Not even for those we love most. In response to the question: “How are you?” We do not expect the verbose. If the answer is somewhat surprising, Runs to more than a second or two, We stand there impatiently waiting For the respondee to hurry on through. When we ask after others we don’t mean it. We’re really just being polite. But if you don’t want to know, Please don’t ask me. Or I might tell you I’m not alright

To stop Or to go on? A question I often Ask. I Find myself At crossroads often. Standing, staring Into the road Beyond me Unsure.. It’s hard. What’s ahead Is uncertain Dark But What’s past Has streetlamps Sputtering, failing; Also dark. And cold. But dark, cold And known.. To stop? Or to go on? A Question I often Ask.

I’m cold in winter, And I’m cold in summer too. So cold that fingernails unpainted Are routinely tinged A ghostly blue. I sit and shuffle, Bones uncushioned, Causing pain. I drop my pen, Spill my black coffee, Once again. You think I’ve chosen, Want to be this way, With hair that falls in clumps And skin that’s cold and grey. But though it looks Like change is easy, Something I could do, I will not, cannot Though I’ll try for you.

The faster that you walk away, The faster I will chase, You ought to understand by now That just a change of pace Is not enough to shake me off, I’m living in your head, Chucking out your good emotions, Installing bad ones there instead. You think if you ignore me Then perhaps I’ll go away, But you’re simply saving problems To be fought another day. I’m an evil little ball of hate, And though you wish I would take flight, There’s no way you’ll get me out of here Unless you stand and fight.

The faster you run The faster I hide From the demon You you give rise to Clawing inside Of my guts Of my belly My mind And my head It’s monstrous Preposterous Why can’t you instead Just run slowly Less slyly Not cause me Such fright And so spare me the feelings In which You delight… I cower in corners You chase and you win Because hide though I might From your horrible grin I can see it With eyes closed And feel you nearby In the salt of my tears As I break down and cry.

Your cuddle soothes, And kiss caress My head; My head is such a mess. Your hand in mine, My heart with yours, Into your ear My trouble pours. You cannot help, But listen well The agony My stomach swells. The eating hurts I’m struck with pain, But cannot fast; Not that again. Because the worry In your eyes, As you feared That I might die Is not one That I want to see, No never, ever caused by me. And so I eat, And so you stay To help me On this painful way. I limp and cry, You hold my hand. I’m thankful That you understand.

 because you care, And yet you hurt me, Because you cannot love me As I am. You cannot ever know The way it pains me, Knowing I’m not good enough For you. I like the way I am Right now, my safety Comes from counting Calories and ribs. I know deep down You really love me, Which is why You need to see me change. But the thing is That I do not want to Can you not just hold me, Let me be?

Please know you’re always with me, Even when I’m far away, I think about you constantly You’re with me through the day. I carry little bits of you; The pockets of my mind Are almost full to bursting With the memories I find Returning to me often Bringing smiles to my face As the thought of my two darling girls Lights up the darkest place. So whilst my hand’s not in yours And I’ll not be home tonight, Please know you travel with me And in my dreams I hold you tight.

We take the love we think that we deserve. But why? They ask. Hushed tones behind closed doors. Why does she stay? Does she not have the nerve To leave? They ask, and condemnation pours. They judge, but never try to understand. Short observations tell them all they need To judge you, judge us. Scared, I take your hand. From this love, I don’t want to be freed. I never thought you perfect, but you’re mine. And I’m not scared that you will run away. You love me sometimes, and for me that’s fine. Despite the things that other people say. They’re blind with hate. The thing they cannot see, It is not you that they should hate, but me.

here was a time, when I had not yet met you. Life was punctuated with a desire to die. I’m not sure where my head was at. Never one thought, but 99. And not one good, back then. Life was full of people, But no one to tend To what was broken, to Take my hand and to say: It will be okay….a Sentiment for which my heart was ripe; Yet all I did was slowly age. Before you, life was not good. But then, a time of new beg-innings A fresh start, a Chance to try again at life, To do it well, And feel that I had lived. It almost felt too good, but Soon, ‘I’ became ‘we’ It turned out, you were all I’d ever wanted… No more thoughts of dying, each day I want another. With you, each day is a perfect day.

Why do you think I’ll understand? Why do you reach out and take my hand? Why are you looking for sympathy, When you’re the one in the wrong, Not he. Why do you tell me your story again And again, and again, are you wondering when, I will condone your actions, and open my heart, Well I just won’t condone it, I won’t play a part. Why do you wail, and shiver and cry? Why do you carry on questioning why, When this is your doing, Though I can’t work out why, You’d press ‘self-destruct’ For a temporary high. Why can’t you undo the harm that’s been done? Not long ago, you called him the one. Well now that I know him well, I love him too, And with what you’ve done I choose him And not you.

I was going to call you, But didn’t know how, I never know what I should say to you now. I know that we’re friends, And that nothing should change, But since I’ve been depressed I’ve been feeling so strange. I know it’s the same for you, You feel it too, With no sure idea What to say or to do. But, my friend, what would help me, More than you know, Is if we could let the ‘depressed’ label go And keep acting normally, Just like the past, And perhaps for a moment, I can be me at last. Can we give it a try? I can’t do it on my own, Reach out and talk to me Help me feel less alone.

I was going to call you, But didn’t know how, I never know what I should say to you now. I know that we’re friends, And that nothing should change, But since I’ve been depressed I’ve been feeling so strange. I know it’s the same for you, You feel it too, With no sure idea What to say or to do. But, my friend, what would help me, More than you know, Is if we could let the ‘depressed’ label go And keep acting normally, Just like the past, And perhaps for a moment, I can be me at last. Can we give it a try? I can’t do it on my own, Reach out and talk to me Help me feel less alone.

You look at me with ill-disguised despair, Ashamed of what you see before your eyes, Undressed by your emotion I am bare. Your body shakes, you’re choked with muffled cries. I hate that I have made you feel this way, But one day you should try my shoes for size. You think that if you hope and if you pray, You’ll see return the woman that you love, But I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. I don’t believe that there’s a God above Nor demons, who know how to steal this pain That fits me like a much-loved, well-worn glove. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you yet again, Each time I say I won’t but then I do, You must be tiring fast of this refrain. I wish that I was good enough for you.

Please will you listen to me And let me feel like I’ve been heard I’m feeling rather lonely My behaviours are absurd. I know that they won’t help me With my underlying pain But yet I turn back to these ways Again and again and again. Please tell me that you love me That you’ll stick with me although I cut and burn and hurt myself And leave those wounds on show. I don’t do it for attention I just need to know you care. And the time you see me more than most Is when those wounds are there. Please don’t judge or hate me Or talk to me like I’ve gone mad If you take the time to listen Then I’ll feel a lot less bad. I feel completely worthless, So please tell me that I’m not. I’m sorry that it’s hard for you  but you're all that i've got .

When I’m hurting, Hold me, And never let me go. The longer that you hold me, The more I come to know That it’s true, You really love me, And you care if I’m okay, There’s just one way To teach me that And holding me’s the way. Your words mean far less to me, Because anyone can say ‘I love you’ But to show it Is a harder game to play. So when I hurt, please hold me Nice and tightly to your chest. When I hurt, your cuddles Are the balm that works the best.

Words can be so powerful But we rarely stop to think About their repercussions As we take our turn to speak. We utter them unthinkingly, Thoughts tumble unabounded, A thoughtless word or two can mean A problem gets compounded. A paranoia grows in size, Fed by words mis-spoken. Self-esteem takes a nose dive In response to silence broken. We never know how others feel About the words we say, And often underestimate The leading role they play In feeding others’ misery And fuelling their hurt Because the listener hides it well, Those feelings stay covert. So we bound around quite merrily Launching painful word grenades, Oblivious to what we’ve done, The price that will be paid. By someone in a place that hurts Where words are not their friend. And if we get it really wrong, Our words mean friendship ends.

Sunshine on my pillow Tear stains on my sheet Another lonely night Another morning to greet. Get up ... Go to work ... Fight the bustling thong. Another day ... It's gone on far too long I'm breaking out! I'm breaking free! I'm gonna be whatever is me. I'm going to love to love And hate to hate And leave my destiny To a thing called fate. Watch the flowers grow. Watch the children touch. Feel my soul grow wider. And be so very much. I'm breaking out! I'm breaking free! I'll live my life gentle and easy. I'll live with style And sing my songs Loud and clear To those bustling thongs. And one of these days They'll break out, too And see the truth: To be you is true.

It wasn't the promises slung around my neck by your arms rigid with acceptance and an unfamiliar love. It wasn't the sticky skinned summer nights wrapped in our friends sheets stealing undeserved kisses. It wasn't backstage buried beneath piles of wood or sorted between hunks of metal next to the man I could never be. It wasn't a virgin spotlight or an applause that really wasn't meant for me  or even for us, but for them. It wasn't a song written by a boy who  never stood a chance standing in the shadow of  a blonde haired blue eyed somebody. It was finding solace in hearts and minds that like mine were not suited for the monochromatic day to day parking lot prison breakout  of the afternoon. Yours that were too distracted by the galaxies carved between our bones pressed so  tightly together and the symphonies inked between our teeth.