My window with dust

My window with dust 

She was forced to be weak since she first felt her existance she could now hear her father yelling that she is a girl ..do i know how a girl looks is she is like me wait ​how do i look like ? Is she ugly or what will i'm going to harm him or he has never seen a being like me whom should i ask to am I a abnormal child ....i opened my eyes the first thing i saw was my mom's eyes so large with so much of hope in her eyes i dont know how she had so much hope in me as if her world stopped looking into my half opened eyes but i was clueless i saw a strange man walking towards me no he was not my father someone  with white coat I turned my head and saw no one except two ladies who brought my mom to hospital ..and dad I still had his memory but he was not in sight ..As I grew up  i got to know that man was my dad. I don't know what his definition of a girl was .  I saw mom crying I assumed a girl should learn to start crying this was the first thing I learned ..next was when I saw mom listening to people who used to shout yell at  her ...so I started practicing that .....listening to people, sacrifice ,fear of being left alone was everything a girl should learn . School thought how to be get promoted to next class I learned competition ...competition in academics competition with urself but one thing was clear I can compete with the world but not with this that  I'm a girl ...plight doesn't stops here ..now as I step into my teens I am made aware of things ..shhh you are a girl can't discuss things this way ..now I'm a girl who can't  question ..when any of my classmates saw me crying they would make mockery of me and comments on me saying cuz I'm a girl ...I'm scared to go out to talk to someone . I have to reach home at time because society also judge me and decides my time ...if a women is raped its because of her attire she thinks is it so ?? I thought it's a mindset of a man that makes him to do so ..love is considered to be the most pure feeling in the world any form of love is what a women wants from every relation she has taken birth with or the relations she'll form here . 
She thought that a person will understand her silence her follies every bit of hers . won't let her become more weak but this was like her dream ..dream as she wanted to be strong fearless happy...he left her and never returned ..and for her he become like a wind which flows everyday ..each day she had a hope inside her that he will return and he will fulfill his promises .... Being in a relationship lying with each other making false promises to a girl who's already so broken and still wants to give all she has ...making her love u..making love to someone who you genuinely love is it wrong ? What about the guy who's faking ..will she able to trust someone  is it not rape ??someone by making wrong promises wat is it than .such marriages leads to divorse martial rape we lable them as rape but wat will u lable   such kind of relationships ??? ..and than he says it was your consult as well .I was not there alone ..but what about those fake promises ? Feelings change ..bt don't make permanent promises on temporary feelings ..than again I cried alone I was left because I was a girl .... I want it to end no more of it . I told my mom I don't want to get married my wounds are yet to heal my scares to disappear still to reduce mom's agony I Agreed today I am women who is phenomenal phenomenal at my household work my husband beats me I bleed in anguish I'm physically mentally tortured by people in his house .I'm being raped by my own husband and they say its normal ..martial rape normal? Touching any being without his /her consent is so inhuman.Are we born just to fulfill needs to people around .Now physically mentally I have to collect myself next morning ...is it not being courageous to live each day like this 
What i wanted 
I grew up ...strong fearless being not a girl not a boy just a human who wants to live who wants to be loved understood ..cared  one who is happy 
#respect women by action not words
#show courage by action
# silence has its own voice 

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